Is It Selfishness?

Sunday I called Mom, and she reiterated how wonderful it would be if I could come out to visit her. I have a fear of distance and have never been out to Idaho to visit her even though she's been there about thirty years. I replied that I had just talked to Sarah, and she would like to go with me. This would make such a trip much more possible to me. Mom replied firmly, "I don't want you and Sarah out here at the same time. Rebecca is very good to me, and I don't get between my children (even to stop them from fighting, Mom?) and I don't want the two of you out here together. Obviously, Mom and Rebecca know that there would be hell to pay with me if Rebecca was abusive toward Sarah, and I was there. I admitted to Mom, "I am protective of Rebecca, and even though your style is not my style,at this point in your life I want you to have peace and quiet, and I respect that." About five years ago, Mother confronted me about not seeing Tasha when she was in the hospital for heart surgery. Tasha had made it abundantly clear that she was not interested in seeing me, probably so I would not run into her boyfriend. Mother's confrontation released a torrent of anger from me that included writing her a letter asking if she ate her children and sending copies to my sibs. That is not what I wanted to do as Mom is an old, sick woman, and I want her to have as much peace and quiet in her remaining years as possible. But she had provoked me. Again, I am very disappointed but not at all surprised with Mother's statement. Rebecca is good to her so she is not going to upset the applecart. It's all about Mother, and it is very selfish and hurtful to the rest of the family (even to Rebecca because it allows her to get away with abusive behavior toward Sarah without being reprimanded by Mother). But it's a very superficial selfishness. The deeper selfishness, that is, doing something for her self would be to have higher principles and insist that Rebecca stop being abusive toward Sarah. Rebecca abused Sarah in my mother's own home when Sarah was my Mother's guest, and Mother did not intervene. A higher principle, a principle that would contribute to Rebecca life and to the lives of the rest of our family and to Mother's involved friends, as well as to Mother's life, would have been an immediate intervention to tell Rebecca she was not free to talk to Sarah that way in her home, and shouldn't talk to her that way anywhere, and that what she was saying was not true. Doing that would be an act of doing or saying something that furthered Mother's life in the highest sense. It would have been the deepest selfishness possible, I think. Wouldn't Mother been proud of herself if she had the guts to do that? Wouldn't her family and friends have been proud of her and proud to have her as a Mother or a relative or a friend is she had done that? JFK famously said that a rising tide lifts all boats. I say that a high principle acted upon elevates everyone concerned. Again, it would have elevated Rebecca by showing her the right way to behave. Instead, my mother chose to continue in the groveling position of accepting whatever Rebecca did because she was "good" to her. No, Mother, Rebecca is not good to you: She abuses your guest in your own home. I am speaking rhetorically because I have no desire to disturb my mother. She got shingles during our confrontation five years ago. She deserves to eke out her ending in peace and quiet. I guess.
Two-Guns at peternickerson12@yahoo.com.