Mountain Woman

I dreamed last night of Mountain Woman and then woke up. Half-asleep, I immediately flashed onto themental video clip of Mountain Woman and I going in her old Porsche to her Porche mechanic during the last visit of our romance . MW lived in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and she was the love of my life. In the last days of the romance , things had become paramount in her life. She and her new boyfriend were enraptured with the Z-240 that had just appeared on the market. MW had also bought an ancient Porsche that looked like a ladybug or horseshoe crab. You would have thought Ladybug was a human being, the way she talked about it. We drove into the Porsche repair shop which was in a rural area near where MW lived. The mechanic, a young, burly man with a hard face was regaling a group of men outside the grimy shop, and they were laughing at his latest story as we drove up. MW got out and walked over to him while I stayed inside the car. I think she wanted to find out something from the mechanic. The mechanic quickly closed the distance on her, mauled her playfully, and then grabbed her by the waist with both hands and lifted her high into the air. Strong too. MW was all smiles.
When she got back into the Porsche, MW must have read my thoughts for she hissed, "I'll do anything to learn how to fix Ladybug." It was the only time I had seen her when she was not absolutely beautiful.
As soon as that video ended, I was filled with near-panic. How could I have been so stupid? This was the love of my life, and this was what it amounted to? Did my life have any meaning?
Then I began the what-ifs. What if my dad had seen himself as a father and not a rooster, and he had counseled me and tried to give me good advice instead of harping about getting rid of me and even killing me?
I want to stop now and say that if anyone makes my mother aware of this, he or she is a ruthless low-life. Leave my mother alone and let her live in as much peace as possible. She had earned it. Besides, I love my father and feel closer to him now that he has crossed the River Styx to the other side. I imagine him smiling at me and being completely benevolent and supportive.
But he's still the big ham.
To continue my what-ifs: What if I had banished any thoughts of physical intimacy with Mountain Woman until we had a couple of dates? Would that have changed anything? Would I still be dreaming about her forty years later? I conclude reluctantly that even if I had been rooted in the love of a kind, wise father and had also waited for intimacy and just listened to MW, I still would have fallen for her. But maybe not so hard. Maybe I could have said to myself, even others, "Yes, I know I shouldn't, but she's so beautiful, so full of the joy of life, that I can't help myself."
To try to be fair and balanced, I had my problems too. I had my affairs in my hometown.
If we had married, I might have strayed until I had found out I had the best had home. But by then, the best might have been gone. So who knows? You can't second-guess the past, but you can learn from the past and not repeat its mistakes. I greatly believe that advice is highly underrated, and my advice is to banish sexuality from your thoughts the first couple of dates. Just talk and listen to your date. Objectivity and sexuality at the same time are mutually exclusive. Get a good idea of what your getting into by listening to the other person's past. The past is prelude. Do this, and maybe forty years from now your dreams will be sweeter than mine.
peternickerson12@yahoo.com