What's Better In The News?

What's Better With Bigfoot?
  To answer this, I will turn it over to the intrepid philosopher-adventurer Two-Guns (aka Pete Nickerson): I have been using Google to see if anyone is publishing about this idea, and have seen no mention of hanging cans of food for Bigfoot so I may have been the first to invent the idea. I am not keeping it to myself because I have no nearby Bigfoot woods to hang my cans. I have hanged a can of Coke out in an area where I have collected three Bigfoot sightings, but they were about thirty years ago. Florida has changed drastically since then.
  I read two stories about Bigfoot that influenced my inventing this food  and liquid source. First, I read that the captured and domesticated Bigfoot Zana in Georgia, Russia in the late 1800s dearly loved copious amounts of wine. After she drank it, she would arrange her bed and then peacefully sleep off the intoxication. This would take hours. I next read of a Kentucky hunter with his muzzle-loader who was charged by a mother Bigfoot. She had about a three-quarters grown cub with her. The hunter must have been both kind and courageous as he fired his only shot in front of her instead of going for a head shot. The shot turned her, and the hunter wasted no time abandoning his stand. When he came back to it, he found his pack rifled, his food eaten, and his cans of Coke broken against rocks presumably done so the Bigfoot could drink the contents. 
  These two events led me to eventually using #17 gauge electric fence wire to hang cans of food and drink with tabs for Bigfoot. You simply pass one end of the wire under the tab being careful not to crack the can so that the contents are pristine and will last almost indefinitely. Then you pass the same end of the wire through the hole in the tab and twist it back on itself several times to secure it. Take the other end of the wire and wrap it around a stout branch or limb once or twice and then twist it around itself, making several twists to secure it to the branch. Have less than a foot of wire from the branch to the can. I believe Bigfoot will need about four cans to figure out how to pull the tab top open and not spill most of the food or drink.
  There are numerous things available in cans, and they seem to be increasing. Since Zana loved wine, I'd go for that if it is available and you can afford it. There is also beer, Vienna sausages, beef stew, chili, a variety of Progresso stews, and as mentioned, dog food and soft drinks.
  You must check your hanging cans regularly to re-stock as soon as possible after Bigfoot hits them. You want to build up a habit for him just as is done at feeding stations for deer, wild hogs, bear, and other game. If he gets into a habit, you have an excellent chance of coming onto him or him showing himself to you as he is going to be very curious about who is feeding him. Then I hope you get the million dollar video.
  It is imperative that Bigfoot be recognized as existing not only because of the threat of immigration taking all our undeveloped land but also because there is talk of the local, state, and federal governments selling their parks and forests. The Love Principle of doing the most loving thing (for Bigfoot) dictates that I make this method available to you. It would be great to hear from you.  Two-Guns   352-359-0850  North of Gainesville, Florida