Don't Join ISIS! #2

    What if the seventy-some virgin somethings you are promised in heaven for waging jihad turned out to be raisins not virgins? Still be itching to blow yourself up or engage in a suicidal gunfight? The scholar Christophen Luxenberg believes that the words "white raisin" was mistranslated to "houri," the pleasure vessels for randy men in heaven. There is also mention of these vessels for semen being "voluptuous" which some say could only be a houri. But couldn't a raisin be appreciated as being voluptuous especially in the 7th Century where little things were greatly appreciated including full, juicy raisins?
    My identity of a mosque and an imman is that the mosque is, where possible, a place of beauty and dignity. Wouldn't talking about a cathouse as being heaven seem out of place? Doesn't it seem incongruent with immans who are serious, brilliant men who study Islam, history, and philosophy for years. I just can't see an imman preaching that your reward in heaven was going to be a whorehouse. It doesn't make sense. You don't need to be an imman to tell you that. Any talking rooster can do it. Finally, there is the issue of hypocrisy. Islam teaches that any earthly sex outside of marriage is forbidden. Young men who can't afford a wife have to burn like hell with sexual desire until they're willing to off themselves in some misadventure just to get some sexual relief in heaven. They can't have girlfriends, boyfriends, prostitutes, or married women (God forbid!) while on earth for sexual relief. Why two standards - on earth sex bad; in heaven fuck like hell? Why is something that is the be all and end all of heaven something that is forbidden on earth? There's the hypocrisy. If it's done in heaven, it ought to be allowed on earth- which I say has become a living hell for virile, young, Islamic men who are not rich. As someone who was a virgin until 21 and on the second night of his honeymoon, I identify with you guys. But get counseling, not explosives or guns. It's not a nice thing to do to
others or yourself especially when getting laid and loving and being loved by another human being, not a non-human like a houri, might make all the difference in the world.
    Peter Nickerson, Philosophy Major, Class of '68, College of William and Mary.